Helen

Last night I dreamt of being in my paternal grandmother’s house.  It was just as she had left it the day I went with her to the hospital.  We didn’t know then that she would never come home, and would instead spend the end of her life in the clutches of Parkinson’s disease, wasting away … Read more

Loving For Survival

For my entire life, I have been loving for survival; returning to my family of origin in the arms of romantic partners and staying too long in relationships that were harmful to me.  This approach failed every time.  It is even more poignant at this time of year, when I am bombarded by photos depicting … Read more

Fragments

The most bizarre feeling in the world is when someone I hold dear suddenly becomes a stranger.  I have especially been haunted by a failed romance as of late.  It was like a death, yet there was no finality.  He exists only blocks away from me, still we are in two different worlds.  Very much … Read more

Glimmer

Today I am grateful that I am able to feel grateful.  I am grateful that I feel God’s grace in my life on a daily basis.  There was a time when I felt so deprived and so dark that I resented people who expressed happiness and gratitude.  I did not believe that the world held … Read more

The Well

How do we recover from the daily task of living on days when we feel broken inside?  How do we continue to love even though our hearts get repeatedly broken and after those we trust disappoint us? How do we thrive? These questions crossed my mind tonight as I prepare to spend my first Thanksgiving … Read more

Seven

“We are born of love; love is our mother.” – Rumi If only these words rang true for me. I have never known a mother’s love. What I received from my mother was toxic, poisonous and, if absorbed, sure to destroy any semblance of self worth I had managed to gather while growing up in … Read more

Inside She Was Free

I often wonder how we, as humans, survive?  When I step back and contemplate the number of horrific events that I have lived through—some caused by others and some part of a self-fulfilling prophecy—it is unfathomable to me that I am still here writing this.  Even more surprising is that I am living a peaceful and … Read more

Night Walking

Night time can be difficult for me. I equate the night with love (or a lack thereof): being held in the arms of a lover as you both drift to sleep; celebrations with friends as the clock ticks past midnight; and family gatherings in front of a fire on a cold Winter night.  When I am lacking in … Read more