Brevity

As long as I am alive there will always be another side—an other side.  In the midst of grief, loss, pain, or transition I often feel as if the struggle will never end.  I get stuck in the mire, sometimes allowing dark thoughts to take over and losing myself for a while.  I forget that … Read more

The Miracle

I had always lived a life without love.  It started early, when my needs were neither acknowledged nor met and I slowly became invisible.  My own feelings scared and startled me because they were not important to those around me.  Slowly, I grew ashamed of even having them.  As a child, I was constantly berated for how … Read more

Helen

Last night I dreamt of being in my paternal grandmother’s house.  It was just as she had left it the day I went with her to the hospital.  We didn’t know then that she would never come home, and would instead spend the end of her life in the clutches of Parkinson’s disease, wasting away … Read more

Crescendo

My uncle stopped taking his medication.  He has schizophrenia. He and I have never met face to face—except when I was a toddler—but we have developed a close and caring bond over the phone.  He is a genius who attended an Ivy League college and had the world in his hands; even a fiancée.  One … Read more

My Anti-Resolution

Here I am, only one day away from the New Year, unable to make any formal resolutions.  Like so many of us, I used to make promises for each year that primarily involved forms of torture or self-punishment.  Looking back, these resolutions always came from a place of feeling deficient in some way–not successful enough, not thin … Read more

My Fortress

As the year closes, and I approach my 40th birthday, I find myself physically and spiritually drained.  Run down with fever, I stayed home for Christmas and had much time to reflect on my life and how wonderful it is compared to what it used to be like.  My life today is a testament to … Read more

Fragments

The most bizarre feeling in the world is when someone I hold dear suddenly becomes a stranger.  I have especially been haunted by a failed romance as of late.  It was like a death, yet there was no finality.  He exists only blocks away from me, still we are in two different worlds.  Very much … Read more

The Well

How do we recover from the daily task of living on days when we feel broken inside?  How do we continue to love even though our hearts get repeatedly broken and after those we trust disappoint us? How do we thrive? These questions crossed my mind tonight as I prepare to spend my first Thanksgiving … Read more