Helen

Last night I dreamt of being in my paternal grandmother’s house.  It was just as she had left it the day I went with her to the hospital.  We didn’t know then that she would never come home, and would instead spend the end of her life in the clutches of Parkinson’s disease, wasting away … Read more

The Sideboard

My mother’s mother was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 10.  Throughout my childhood this woman was a source of light in my life.  She took me on trips, bought me pretty dresses, brushed my hair and fed me sugar cereal and Chocolate Snaps (I can still picture the cat’s face on the box).  … Read more

His Ambivalence

I sat there listening to his words.  I had waited so long for this conversation as he revealed things that should have been said long ago; back when words meant something between us.  As they fell from his lips, I felt numb.  Nothing revealed warranted razing our relationship; transforming it from a lush oasis into … Read more

5:33

  This is the first time that I am writing about my father’s murder. Twenty-one years ago, on December 7, 1993, my father boarded a 5:33 commuter train from Penn Station, never to return home.  One stop before Mineola, where he lived with my stepmother and half-sister, my father was shot to death by a … Read more

The Well

How do we recover from the daily task of living on days when we feel broken inside?  How do we continue to love even though our hearts get repeatedly broken and after those we trust disappoint us? How do we thrive? These questions crossed my mind tonight as I prepare to spend my first Thanksgiving … Read more

Avoiding the Bends

Lately I have been wondering who suffers more—the person who lives each day in denial or one who lives with self-awareness? There has to be a reason for the existence of the phrase “ignorance is bliss.” I know many people who seem to be happy and who do not work on themselves at all.  Is it … Read more

Shedding Anger

Who is forgiveness for? Is it for the object of forgiveness, or is it for us?  Over the course of my life I have suffered many circumstances which brought me to my knees in fear, grief and rage.  I felt trapped in those feelings for a large portion of my adult life.  To me, forgiveness … Read more