Brevity

As long as I am alive there will always be another side—an other side.  In the midst of grief, loss, pain, or transition I often feel as if the struggle will never end.  I get stuck in the mire, sometimes allowing dark thoughts to take over and losing myself for a while.  I forget that … Read more

Helen

Last night I dreamt of being in my paternal grandmother’s house.  It was just as she had left it the day I went with her to the hospital.  We didn’t know then that she would never come home, and would instead spend the end of her life in the clutches of Parkinson’s disease, wasting away … Read more

Finding Christmas

For most of my young life, the holidays were a very confusing and conflicted time.  For one, I was always sick.  Without fail, I came down with strep throat or the stomach flu and could not fully enjoy the holiday.  Accompanying my various illnesses was maternal exasperation over the fact that, as usual, I needed … Read more

5:33

  This is the first time that I am writing about my father’s murder. Twenty-one years ago, on December 7, 1993, my father boarded a 5:33 commuter train from Penn Station, never to return home.  One stop before Mineola, where he lived with my stepmother and half-sister, my father was shot to death by a … Read more

Avoiding the Bends

Lately I have been wondering who suffers more—the person who lives each day in denial or one who lives with self-awareness? There has to be a reason for the existence of the phrase “ignorance is bliss.” I know many people who seem to be happy and who do not work on themselves at all.  Is it … Read more

Shedding Anger

Who is forgiveness for? Is it for the object of forgiveness, or is it for us?  Over the course of my life I have suffered many circumstances which brought me to my knees in fear, grief and rage.  I felt trapped in those feelings for a large portion of my adult life.  To me, forgiveness … Read more