My name is Kara and I live and work in New York City. On the outside I live a pretty together life, but appearing happy is the way that I learned to survive in this world from an early age. We all look at one another and draw comparisons and conclusions. But we don’t see the battles that are being fought behind the scenes. For me, I have suffered through and survived many tragedies that devastated me to the core. A little over 10 years ago, I got tired of living a superficial life while suffering inside. My career, my relationships and my internal life had become stagnant and damaged. I never felt so alone.
It was then that I began a journey of looking inward. The things I discovered were profound. If I wanted to live a life true to who I am, I had to stop glossing over the things that happened to me and FEEL the pain. During this process, I often felt as if I were in free fall. At times I looked to others, especially romantic partners, to catch me. But what I know today is that we cannot look to others to tell us who we are or to make us feel safe. What we need lies within. For me, connecting with my inner self (which is still a work in progress) has brought me confidence, freedom and the ability to connect with others in ways I never thought possible. My heart still gets broken but I know that I have myself to fall back on — a person whom I have grown to love (which I never thought possible). This is not to say life will ever be perfect. But at least these days I feel less of a sense of vertigo and more that my feet are firmly planted on the ground.
*I am not a psychologist and this blog is meant to share my personal experiences rather than offer professional advice of any kind.
**Please forgive my improper use of commas, it has been a lifelong issue!